i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
