the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
