She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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