Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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