i think my tv is drunk
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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