Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
