Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
