are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize