Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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