Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
