he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Im part way to drunk.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
