Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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