i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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