they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
