just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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