At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
