I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
