Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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