Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize