Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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