I love black thongs
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
