I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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