is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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