I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
