how can u be prego again
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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