Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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