I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
so much tequila, so little girl.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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