I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize