I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
