neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
