my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
