I just threw up on my dentist
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
