I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We’re leaving where are you
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