I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
