in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
