Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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