First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She bit a glass in half.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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