Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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