I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
