I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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