Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
