When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
