I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
