You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We got so high we made milksteak
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
