I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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