Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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