if i can run in heels then i can drive
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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