i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize