dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
