I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
