THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
