I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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