i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
