you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
