I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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