I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
