Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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