She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
