he wants to bone in the snuggie
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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