Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
