i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I could make wine with my vomit
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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