Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my being single is dangerous.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i believe in u and ur pee
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
