escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
