Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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