Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
