Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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